Tell Him your plans – He’ll laugh

Today I met up with Sr. Colleen – vocation director for the Salesian Sisters (also known as Daughters of Mary Help of Christians). *waves* Hi Sister!!

Before I get into the actual meeting part, I must say that God is very comical – or maybe I’m the one who is comical. I went into this meeting with “expectations”. Like Sr. was going to fall in love with me, have paperwork for me to sign, tell me to come visit sometime before August and BAM – I’m in!

Okay, maybe not that extreme.

Before we met we got the chance to talk on the phone for a bit the night before. We were originally supposed to meet for dinner but plans had to change and we decided to move it up to an early lunch. When talking to her on the phone I felt complete peace and no nervousness at all. It kinda felt surreal.

So we get to the restaurant today (Red Robin – YUM!) and again that sense of peace and calm was all consuming. I felt no anxiousness or nervousness at all. It kinda felt too good to be true.

And it almost kinda was.

See, I went in with expectations. And it’s never good to go into any kind of vocation possibility with expectations – often times they are unreal. After conversations with @britestack, I thought for sure that I was going to be able to enter this coming August. My bags were practically packed.

That won’t be the case. Maybe it will be for @britestack, but not for me. You see, I have debt. Roughly $20,000. And I don’t have a Bachelors degree in anything – both of those are hindrances. In order for me to be able to enter all my debt has to be gone. (Still unsure of if I need a BA in order to enter or not? Maybe someone can clarify that – Sr. Colleen or Ashley?)

I left that meeting feeling a bit discouraged. I had gotten my hopes up and started to expect certain things were going to happen. It wasn’t until way later on in the day while I was sitting with my friend Carol, that I realized something – life isn’t easy.

It took me all day long to figure that out. (Maybe I’m a bit slow??)

While talking things out with Carol, I came to realize some things.
1. I still have some work to do on me. Pride being one thing I need to start chiseling away.
2. Even though I’ve been searching and discerning and thinking about this for years, doesn’t mean it’s going to be an easy road. Every vocation consists of hardships and it is not going to be easy.

Carol told me I needed to go sit with Jesus and just write. To which of course I fought. (Stubborn much?)
Finally I gave in and went in the church with my journal and pencil. And lo and behold she was right! (She usually is)
I sat there and heard over and over to TRUST. He knows the plans for me. I am on the right path but I need to TRUST.

Well then. Guess I can’t argue much with God!

So while I’m not as discouraged as I was when I first left Sr. Colleen, I’m hopeful. I know that God is leading me the way He wants me to go.

Now if only I can die to myself and trust Him fully. Maybe then we can get somewhere…

Prayers please!!

Just wanted to let you all know that tomorrow at 11am I will be meeting with Sr. Colleen – the vocation director with the Salesians!

Please pray for safe travels for her and for God’s will be done!

I’m excited!!

Okay God, I’m ready

I have been away from blog land for about 5 days. Which really means I haven’t been reading any blogs.

It took me 7 hours to catch up. And by catch up I mean read the ones that really seemed interesting to me – and those who I’m closest to.

One of the blogs I read today was Elizabeth’s blog, I felt this fire – this passion burning in my heart. It was then I realized that I want to become a sister. I want to go visit with the sisters. I want to be there.

But I can’t.

I can’t even afford to drive back and forth to work – or have money for food – let alone drive down to New Jersey and back. And it saddens my heart. It saddens me to know that I have no idea when I’ll ever be able to visit – or join – because of financial reasons.

I’m sure that now this is a test of further trust. I mean, if I’m going to give up my life in service to Him, and lead a life of poverty, I should probably get used to it now.

Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive.

I need to keep repeating that over and over again.

Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive.

I don't own the rights

Counting down

A month from now I will be preparing a post about my visit to the sisters. As I write this entry now, I just got a twinge of anxiousness. A month? Really? Hard to believe.

I have been waiting for March to come since July of last year. And it’s almost here. I can’t help but start to wonder though, is this REALLY where I’m supposed to go? For a while now I’ve been just…stuck. I can’t really describe what I’ve been trying to sort through, because sometimes I don’t even know. I know that I keep wondering “is this what God really wants me to be doing with my life?”

Yes. He does. I know this. But is this the right order? I guess only time will tell.

I’m nervous about going to a place where I know absolutely no one. I’m going alone. To meet new people. This is unchartered territory. To be without my support system for a weekend just seems so unimaginable. Really though, I will have time to just rely on God…which is what we all desperately need to be able to do.

I’m also afraid of rejection. I have worked so hard in my life to get over the sting of rejection and to not take it personal. During this visit, I believe I will get to sit with the vocation director for an interview of sorts. What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m too “heavy” for them? What if I’m not religious enough for them?

I know that some of those concerns are just silly thoughts that I’m letting penetrate from the enemy, but I can’t help but wonder.

I ask that during this next month, and especially March 11-13 when I’m down there, that you pray for me. This is a big step forward…I wouldn’t want it to send me backwards.

National Vocation Awareness Week

Image via Wikipedia

Shame on me!

I totally forgot that this week is National Vocation Awareness week!

What is that? Well, it’s the one week in the year when the Catholic Church asks all to ponder what it is that God is asking for your life. Many Catholics think of the word vocation and think it means a call to priesthood or a call to a religious life.

That’s not the case at all.

We all have a vocation. A vocation is a calling from God…a direction in which He wants you to go in life. Majority of people have a vocation of marriage and family life. Others are called to be single and celibate. Rarely, you’ll find those who, like myself, feel the call to a religious life of some sort – whether it be the priesthood, becoming a religious sister or brother or monk or whatever.

The word vocation, comes from the Latin word “to call”. It’s a calling. God calls us to discern what direction He wants for our lives. A lot of people don’t bother with the discernment, and just do whatever they feel is “right” or “popular”. Unless you frequent Catholic circles, it’s a rarity to hear that someone is discerning a religious vocation.

Discerning a religious vocation is NOT a bad thing. Though society places a heavy emphasis on the vocation of marriage, that is not the only way to live in life. And while one can devote their lives to God while living out a vocation of marriage, one can do so even more in a religious vocation.

Religious vocations are looked at as sort of a taboo. It’s highly unusual and for those who are feeling called to a consecrated life – fully consecrated to Him and no other – there are often remarks of shock, disbelief, and often times lack of understanding. The world tries to tell you that it really isn’t something that you want. That it’s degrading and outdated and “no one ever does that anymore”.

If you feel you have a calling other than the societal norm, cultivate it. Spend time with people who are going to encourage you. Find some trusted Catholic friends who will be supportive and be excited for you. Whatever you do, don’t ignore God. I’ve made that mistake…and guess what…He will continue to gently nag you. You have a choice: you can listen and submit to what He’s asking of you, or you can fight it.

I can guarantee you though, that if you chose to fight it, you will also chose the harder path in life. You will always be searching for happiness…and more often than not…through the ways of the world.

If you know someone who is discerning religious life, don’t try to negate their thoughts/feelings…even if you don’t agree with them. Support them and love them right where they are at. We are all on a journey…our own journey…and just because someone elses journey doesn’t match yours, doesn’t mean it’s wrong or any less than.

If you have young children, or are around young children, don’t be afraid to foster the thought of considering God’s will. We are all called to something…to be something…to do something with our lives…and the only way to know is to spend time with Him. You can’t have a relationship with someone if you don’t spend time with them. You can’t fall in love with someone if you don’t have communication.

Have you talked to God about your plans for your life lately?

Do they match His plans?