JOY!!

What a crazy awesome day it was yesterday!

The day started like any other Wednesday: I worked and then drove to church to wait for choir practice to start. I get out of work at 4:30 and usually arrive at the church a little after 5. Choir practice starts at 7. I typically spend the two hours reading or having some Jesus time instead of going home and wasting the gas (I live a half hour away from church).

I had plans of meeting my friend Brenda up at the church – she had something she wanted to give me to bring to a mutual friend of ours (she works as a co-coordinator of religious ed at the church). I called her to let her know I was there, and she didn’t answer. So I decided to go into the church to sit with Jesus for a bit. And that’s where the fun begins!

I opened the door to the church and right there on the floor is a bouquet of fake roses – just chilling there. I thought it was very odd and I actually remember looking all around me wondering if they belonged to anyone. I picked them up and thought to myself “is this supposed to be some sort of sign?” I remember thinking about St. Therese wondering why she’d leave me roses when I haven’t even prayed to her. Then I chalked it up to maybe it was a sign from Mary – but what?

I brought the flowers in and put them by Mary and then went to sit with Jesus.

Then Brenda called me and I went into the office with her. Now, I have been in this office NUMEROUS times. One of our priests recently got a computer. He never had a computer before and really doesn’t know how to use it. Brenda was going back and forth trying to help him and trying to do some work herself. One of the times Father called her into his office, I sat there staring at the bookshelf. The same bookshelf I’ve looked at numerous times. There on that bookshelf was a boxed collection titled “Salesian’s Collections”.

I had to do a double take. Did that really say Salesians? Salesians as in the order I’m highly interested in?

At this point I was just – awed. Were the roses and this boxed collection signs from God? Is He trying to tell me that I’m heading in the right direction? It’s all strangely coincedental.

The excitement ends. No more signs occur. I go to choir and I’m…happy. At one point I was laughing so hard I was crying. It was such a great feeling to feel so full of happy – and joy.

I interrupt this story for a bit of background information.

Background info 1: I have been fasting from electronics on Wednesday and Friday nights – so that I spend time focusing on God more.

Background info 2: The blackberry servers were having all kinds of issues the past few days with email not filtering through and text/internet being sporadic. It didn’t start affecting me until yesterday

/end background info

I got home and was so tired and annoyed with my blackberry, so I switched back to my htc hero. In order to do that I had to get the phone number from online. I powered up the computer and opened up the internet (which for some reasons gave me problems the first time). When I opened the internet I noticed that I had two emails in my inbox (I have google chrome for a browser and I have a gmail extension on there so that it automatically tells me when an email is present without actually going to my inbox).

Now I’m not one that can just see that I have email and then not look to at least see who it’s from.

So curiosity got the best of me and I looked. And immediately my face lit up – in my inbox was an email from Sr. Colleen (remember, she’s the vocation director with the Salesians)!!!

She happened to be online while I was and we emailed back and forth for a bit. Long story short, we are meeting on October 25th.

To state that I’m excited would be an understatement.

The best part of the entire email coorospondance was: “I have been praying for this email from you!”

I had a hard time sleeping last night – all I felt was pure joy and happiness. I’m really excited.

Oh, and the roses. Well I found its owner. I was talking to my friend Dina who is the other co-coordinator of religious ed and telling her all about the story. The roses are hers. She switches out the flowers at church and stated that her husband must’ve dropped them.

Still…very happy!

I’m coming back!

For weeks now I feel as though I’ve been in a funk.

I know that’s not some big secret (as many of you have prayed for me during that darkness).

I think I’m on my way out!

That passion that I once had is starting to fill my heart again. The desire to spend time with Him is becoming overwhelming. The desire to delve into my vocation is coming back again too.

The most prominent thing that I’ve noticed – how very easily I take offense when someone speaks ill of my beliefs. I’m learning though, to control my tongue. It does no good for either party to go back and forth bashing one another. I have several friends who are not Catholic and I respect and admire them enough to know that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. It’s a process…that I’m slowly learning…even if it does hurt sometimes.

I think though what I’ve come to realize is that sometimes people don’t realize the damage they are doing to another. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of this as well. Even within the Body of Catholicism – humanness comes out. Humanness though, isn’t limited to just Catholics – but all denominations. One must remember that denominations are all man made…most of which are a spin off from Catholicism during the Reformation. I believe, that the Catholic church can be traced back all the way to Jesus – but the religious sect itself is man made – there are no exceptions. Jesus never stated “upon this rock build my Catholic Church (and no other church)”

Catholics believe that we are part of the true, original church. I am not going to deny that. One thing to remember though is that every religion is made of man – so next time you look at another religion and start pointing fingers about how wrong they are, remember that your religion is man made too.

I guess that’s the long way of saying – I’m coming out of my funk…consider yourself warned! I am soooo looking forward to writing more and may very well write a Bright Maiden’s post this week! (For those of you who don’t know what/who the Bright Maiden’s are – stay tuned!)

Thank you all who have been praying for me.

O How Blessed!

There is so much going through my head right now. I apologize in advance if this is all over the place.

I just love watching God at work in my life – especially when my eyes are open to see His work!

As you well know, yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I had mass at 7:30pm – which was really late – that I had to sing at. I have a good friend, Carol, who sings with me in choir. I absolutely love it when she is there. Last year we got assigned seats and miraculously we were seated next to one another. She makes me smile quite often.

Anyway. We were at mass and I was already in a giddy mood – excited about my trip this weekend. Earlier in the afternoon I had texted her to tell her just how excited I was to see her. Little did I know that she was having a crappy day and wasn’t planning on coming since she had gone to mass earlier in the morning. Father was talking about Ash Wednesday and asked why we were all there. Carol takes one look at me and points her thumb in my direction – as if to say that she was there because of me. I questioned her on it and she confirmed – the only reason she was there was because of me. My immediate response – “aww you do love me”. She quickly denied it. :-p

Of course that made me feel so loved. That she would come just for me. After I sat on that for a while I turned to her and asked her, “were you planning on coming, or did you decide to come because I texted you?”

It was my text that made her decide to come. She informed me that she had planned on coming originally, but after the day she had, she decided to stay home – but then I texted her and she just knew she had to be there with me – that she couldn’t skip out because I was there.

Cue water works.

The rest of the mass I was weepy. So full of love – not just from Carol – but God’s love as well. Looking around the church at all the people that were there – my community – who have shared so much of my journey with me; I was overcome with emotion. What a blessing it is to have so many people who are so active in my discernment process. From the youth group kids all the way up to Father Victor. It’s an amazing experience to feel that affirmation and support – and to know that no matter where this journey is leading me, I’ll still be welcomed with open arms.

Then, reality struck.

I’m going to Nashville. Not “sometime in March” – NOW.

And what better time to go than the first weekend of Lent! I will be able to pray the stations of the cross with the sisters, go to confession, go to adoration – what an amazing opportunity to go through – even if I don’t end up becoming a sister!

What an incredible blessing. How did I get to be so blessed?

P.S. Did I mention that I’m excited about this weekend?! Watch twitter and facebook for updates throughout the weekend! Don’t worry, twitter and fb will be secondary to God and His love!

Blessed

First of all, I just wanted to state that I’m now listed in the Catholic blog directory! (discovering discernment) Also, I came across an awesome website to examine one’s conscience: CatholicsConfess.it. I checked it out and my eyes were opened to all sins I have committed!

I’ve mentioned previously that I had a big youth group event that I was planning. It took place on Friday into Saturday. It was a great weekend, even without eating for 30 hours! Very little drama took place, and for the most part, the kids seemed to enjoy themselves and left with a greater awareness of just how blessed they are.

The purpose of the weekend is to go 30 hours without eating to raise awareness of Haiti. My parish is very fortunate enough to be able to be twinned with a parish in Les Palmes, Haiti. We have a very active Haitian Ministry who all helped in preparing this past weekend to make it the success that it was. Very similar to World Vision’s 30 hour famine; except 100% of our fund raising goes straight to Haiti!

Throughout the weekend, not only did the kids get to learn about how little others have sometimes; and how devastating problems to us, aren’t all that devastating after all (i.e. not passing a driving test the first time; not being able to afford to go to the college of your choice, etc.) and there are people much, much worse off than we are. What a great reminder right before Lent begins!

On Saturday morning, I broke up the groups to go to 5 different local organizations to do community service projects. All the projects varied, but most all of the kids came away with a greater awareness of how the world is outside their little bubble. I was a chaperone to the food kitchen. I have never been to a food kitchen before, but it was a definite eye opener.

I often times struggle to make ends meet; trying to find the money for this bill or that bill. What I’ve come to realize though is just how blessed I am despite it all. I may not have the best electronics or the name brand clothes, but aren’t we all taught to not compare ourselves to one another? We must be content where we are at, whether that be wealthy, poor, or destitute: we all need to make use of every situation that is presented to us, and to spread God’s message of love to everyone. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves that we forget that.

As Lent approaches, I’m going to make a more conscience effort to remind myself that while I may not have the latest and greatest and I might not be financially comfortable, that it’s all okay. I’m here for and because of, God – and not anyone – or anything else.

Dear God

You’re doing a mighty work in me. I can see the various people you put in my path; the situations that are surfacing…and I know that it’s all part of your plan. The ups and downs will help me to grow closer to you and fall more in love with you.

It’s so human to lose focus…to doubt and to fall. Up until last night, I thought I was doing a decent job of putting everything into your hands and trusting you completely. You tested me…and I failed. I fell from the safe comfort of your arms into a place of confusion, doubt and denial. I lost sight of you and your promise. Thankfully though, you didn’t let it last long and sent along people to open my eyes and to refocus myself to you.

I know you don’t expect me to be perfect, but I feel as though I fail miserably. My trust should have solely lied within you, and I should not have allowed myself to be deterred. I hope you can forgive me for offending you.

I know that this fire; this passion that you are building inside of me is to glorify you…and how blessed am I to be the vessel in which you’ve chosen to do so! I see myself growing further and further in love with you daily, and I am in awe at how far you’ve brought me in such a short time…my mind cannot fathom just how much more work you will do in me.

I love you, my God. Keep close to me and help me to see your work in my life.

Thanksgiving

This past weekend, Canada celebrated their thanksgiving. In just a little over a month the USA will be celebrating their thanksgiving as well. It’s very typical during those times to see thankful posts floating around the internet. It seems as though it takes a holiday labeled “thanksgiving” for us to remember that we need to be thankful…when in fact, we should be thankful always.

“A psalm of thanksgiving. Shout joyfully to the LORD, all you lands; worship the LORD with cries of gladness; come before him with joyful song. Know that the LORD is God, our maker to whom we belong, whose people we are, God’s well-tended flock. Enter the temple gates with praise, its courts with thanksgiving. Give thanks to God, bless his name; good indeed is the LORD, Whose love endures forever, whose faithfulness lasts through every age. ”                                                  Psalm 100

“Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.”

Philippians 4:6

The bible instructs us to be thankful…to have a thankful heart…and give praise where praises are due. God is the reason for our many gifts here on earth…He is the reason for our life. We shouldn’t be thanking Him and praising Him on the day our government decides we should…it should be an ongoing thing…24/7.

Be thankful.

What is it that you have to thank God for today?