Tell Him your plans – He’ll laugh

Today I met up with Sr. Colleen – vocation director for the Salesian Sisters (also known as Daughters of Mary Help of Christians). *waves* Hi Sister!!

Before I get into the actual meeting part, I must say that God is very comical – or maybe I’m the one who is comical. I went into this meeting with “expectations”. Like Sr. was going to fall in love with me, have paperwork for me to sign, tell me to come visit sometime before August and BAM – I’m in!

Okay, maybe not that extreme.

Before we met we got the chance to talk on the phone for a bit the night before. We were originally supposed to meet for dinner but plans had to change and we decided to move it up to an early lunch. When talking to her on the phone I felt complete peace and no nervousness at all. It kinda felt surreal.

So we get to the restaurant today (Red Robin – YUM!) and again that sense of peace and calm was all consuming. I felt no anxiousness or nervousness at all. It kinda felt too good to be true.

And it almost kinda was.

See, I went in with expectations. And it’s never good to go into any kind of vocation possibility with expectations – often times they are unreal. After conversations with @britestack, I thought for sure that I was going to be able to enter this coming August. My bags were practically packed.

That won’t be the case. Maybe it will be for @britestack, but not for me. You see, I have debt. Roughly $20,000. And I don’t have a Bachelors degree in anything – both of those are hindrances. In order for me to be able to enter all my debt has to be gone. (Still unsure of if I need a BA in order to enter or not? Maybe someone can clarify that – Sr. Colleen or Ashley?)

I left that meeting feeling a bit discouraged. I had gotten my hopes up and started to expect certain things were going to happen. It wasn’t until way later on in the day while I was sitting with my friend Carol, that I realized something – life isn’t easy.

It took me all day long to figure that out. (Maybe I’m a bit slow??)

While talking things out with Carol, I came to realize some things.
1. I still have some work to do on me. Pride being one thing I need to start chiseling away.
2. Even though I’ve been searching and discerning and thinking about this for years, doesn’t mean it’s going to be an easy road. Every vocation consists of hardships and it is not going to be easy.

Carol told me I needed to go sit with Jesus and just write. To which of course I fought. (Stubborn much?)
Finally I gave in and went in the church with my journal and pencil. And lo and behold she was right! (She usually is)
I sat there and heard over and over to TRUST. He knows the plans for me. I am on the right path but I need to TRUST.

Well then. Guess I can’t argue much with God!

So while I’m not as discouraged as I was when I first left Sr. Colleen, I’m hopeful. I know that God is leading me the way He wants me to go.

Now if only I can die to myself and trust Him fully. Maybe then we can get somewhere…

Prayers please!!

Just wanted to let you all know that tomorrow at 11am I will be meeting with Sr. Colleen – the vocation director with the Salesians!

Please pray for safe travels for her and for God’s will be done!

I’m excited!!

JOY!!

What a crazy awesome day it was yesterday!

The day started like any other Wednesday: I worked and then drove to church to wait for choir practice to start. I get out of work at 4:30 and usually arrive at the church a little after 5. Choir practice starts at 7. I typically spend the two hours reading or having some Jesus time instead of going home and wasting the gas (I live a half hour away from church).

I had plans of meeting my friend Brenda up at the church – she had something she wanted to give me to bring to a mutual friend of ours (she works as a co-coordinator of religious ed at the church). I called her to let her know I was there, and she didn’t answer. So I decided to go into the church to sit with Jesus for a bit. And that’s where the fun begins!

I opened the door to the church and right there on the floor is a bouquet of fake roses – just chilling there. I thought it was very odd and I actually remember looking all around me wondering if they belonged to anyone. I picked them up and thought to myself “is this supposed to be some sort of sign?” I remember thinking about St. Therese wondering why she’d leave me roses when I haven’t even prayed to her. Then I chalked it up to maybe it was a sign from Mary – but what?

I brought the flowers in and put them by Mary and then went to sit with Jesus.

Then Brenda called me and I went into the office with her. Now, I have been in this office NUMEROUS times. One of our priests recently got a computer. He never had a computer before and really doesn’t know how to use it. Brenda was going back and forth trying to help him and trying to do some work herself. One of the times Father called her into his office, I sat there staring at the bookshelf. The same bookshelf I’ve looked at numerous times. There on that bookshelf was a boxed collection titled “Salesian’s Collections”.

I had to do a double take. Did that really say Salesians? Salesians as in the order I’m highly interested in?

At this point I was just – awed. Were the roses and this boxed collection signs from God? Is He trying to tell me that I’m heading in the right direction? It’s all strangely coincedental.

The excitement ends. No more signs occur. I go to choir and I’m…happy. At one point I was laughing so hard I was crying. It was such a great feeling to feel so full of happy – and joy.

I interrupt this story for a bit of background information.

Background info 1: I have been fasting from electronics on Wednesday and Friday nights – so that I spend time focusing on God more.

Background info 2: The blackberry servers were having all kinds of issues the past few days with email not filtering through and text/internet being sporadic. It didn’t start affecting me until yesterday

/end background info

I got home and was so tired and annoyed with my blackberry, so I switched back to my htc hero. In order to do that I had to get the phone number from online. I powered up the computer and opened up the internet (which for some reasons gave me problems the first time). When I opened the internet I noticed that I had two emails in my inbox (I have google chrome for a browser and I have a gmail extension on there so that it automatically tells me when an email is present without actually going to my inbox).

Now I’m not one that can just see that I have email and then not look to at least see who it’s from.

So curiosity got the best of me and I looked. And immediately my face lit up – in my inbox was an email from Sr. Colleen (remember, she’s the vocation director with the Salesians)!!!

She happened to be online while I was and we emailed back and forth for a bit. Long story short, we are meeting on October 25th.

To state that I’m excited would be an understatement.

The best part of the entire email coorospondance was: “I have been praying for this email from you!”

I had a hard time sleeping last night – all I felt was pure joy and happiness. I’m really excited.

Oh, and the roses. Well I found its owner. I was talking to my friend Dina who is the other co-coordinator of religious ed and telling her all about the story. The roses are hers. She switches out the flowers at church and stated that her husband must’ve dropped them.

Still…very happy!

Okay God, I’m ready

I have been away from blog land for about 5 days. Which really means I haven’t been reading any blogs.

It took me 7 hours to catch up. And by catch up I mean read the ones that really seemed interesting to me – and those who I’m closest to.

One of the blogs I read today was Elizabeth’s blog, I felt this fire – this passion burning in my heart. It was then I realized that I want to become a sister. I want to go visit with the sisters. I want to be there.

But I can’t.

I can’t even afford to drive back and forth to work – or have money for food – let alone drive down to New Jersey and back. And it saddens my heart. It saddens me to know that I have no idea when I’ll ever be able to visit – or join – because of financial reasons.

I’m sure that now this is a test of further trust. I mean, if I’m going to give up my life in service to Him, and lead a life of poverty, I should probably get used to it now.

Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive.

I need to keep repeating that over and over again.

Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive.

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