This is what I think…

The Catholic church has been bashed numerous times for her “stubbornness” and “lack of willingness to conform to societal demands”. There are many “hot topics” that circulate around the church: Abortion, Gay Marriage, Death Penalty – just to name a few.

The Church puts out her stance, and as the Catholic body of Christ we are to abide by those rules.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who disagree and have no problem going against what the Church teaches. On the flip side, there are some extreme die-hard Catholics who are go overboard with “sin bashing” and do not take into effect the humanity of the person in question.

I’ve always been one to follow the rules – all rules – that are put before me. For the most part, I’ve maintained that mentality all through life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not perfect and I do my share of breaking the rules – like talking on my cell phone while driving [even though I've received a ticket for it already] and speeding [which is a societal norm these days] – daily. Sometimes though, I think that people need to be people, and realize that everyone has feelings and opinions that are valid.

I’m sure this post is going to cause a lot of turmoil, but hear me out. I’m going to state, again, that the following is my opinion and my feelings ONLY. Unless specified, this is not the view of the Catholic church as a whole.

Now, lets talk about homosexuals.

I think that maybe because I’ve been surrounded my homosexuals for most of my life, that I don’t find it to be a “big deal” and I can see those who do not have loved ones who are homosexual can get upset. Let me clarify “big deal” – I have an uncle, an aunt and two cousins who are homosexual. One of my cousins is married, and I couldn’t imagine her wife not being a part of my family. Being Catholic, all of the above mentioned people are aware of the stance that the Church has. They know that we don’t approve of their marriage because it goes against Church teaching. They also know, that we love them – for who they are and will continue to all the days of our lives.

Let me clarify a misconception: the Catholic Church is NOT anti-gay. We do NOT hate gays nor do we push them out of the Church. THAT is church teaching. 100%. What the Catholic Church does NOT approve of, is the marriage between two same-sex couples. THAT is Church teaching as well. Like I said earlier, there are always going to be those who are going to push the envelope and push people away. THAT is HUMANITY not the Church. It is possible to be homosexual and still be a part of the Church – and even a part of  clergy and religious who chose to remain celibate as they have an understanding of the sanctity of marriage and family  [and don't EVEN go there with the whole pedophile thing because THAT is not a same-sex attraction - its human stupidity - which we see all the time out of the Church as well]. The Church embraces all. The Church also discourages sinning. It doesn’t matter what sex you’re attracted to, sex outside of marriage is a SIN – again, Church teaching.

There is a difference between condoning a relationship and accepting the individuals – at least in my eyes. We are ALL sinners and there is no sin that is greater than the other. It’s important to remember that when we want to “cast the first stone” or point out another’s’ sin. Yes, we are to be held accountable to one another, but the one we really  need to be accountable to is God. I am not here to judge another and to shun them from my life – and maybe that is a character flaw on my part – but it’s not something that I’m going to change.

Jesus loves everyone. He dined with the worst of sinners. His apostles who He put in charge of leading His church, denied Him and left Him “for dead”. Jesus knows we are not perfect, and He doesn’t expect us to be. We are to strive for perfection, but we will always fall short – no matter who you are.

Let us remember that we are no better off than that of our neighbor. No sin is greater than another. And Jesus’ first command was to “love one another, as I have loved you”. Jesus loves ALL His brothers and sisters. God loves ALL His children. We are all created by God – and He doesn’t love any of us more or less than another.

Father knows best

For a while now I’ve felt as though I wasn’t doing my part in my relationship with God.

Yeah I’d go to church every Sunday and on holy days. I’d say a quick prayer here and there. I surround myself with Christian music and Catholic images. I strive to live my life according to His will and His commandments. But I wasn’t putting the effort in to keeping our relationship alive. I was just going through the motions and not bothering to spend any extra time with Him.

Here is what I’ve learned: a relationship can’t grow if you don’t spend time with the person you’re trying to establish a relationship with.

Groundbreaking, I know.

This past Friday I was at my teen retreat meeting and one of the adults pulls me off to the side. She wanted to know if I’d be on team for the women’s retreat that is coming up in September. I didn’t really know how to answer – what I wanted to do was just scream YES since it had been so long since I’ve been on a women’s team – but all the doubts and worries came to my mind. How am I going to pay for this? How am I going to be able to swing this at work? I start house sitting the weekend that I’m on retreat – How am I going to swing that? I told her I’d pray about it and let her know.

I did pray about it. Kept asking God what He wanted me to do. Then everything started falling into place. My main concern was money: how was I going to afford this retreat. I called my mother first thing on Saturday morning and started telling her about how I was asked. I made mention about how I wasn’t sure if I could do it because I didn’t really have the money – she told me not to worry about that – that it would be my birthday gift.

Okay. So that was a positive step.

I was also worried about time off of work. Then I realized that I really did have the time, if I didn’t go to the Woman of Faith conference in November – which was no biggie.

Okay. One more worry checked off my list.

My last worry was my cousin. My cousin and his wife are going away for their 25th wedding anniversary. For two weeks they are going to Hawaii and leaving me behind with their three kids and dog: 17, 15 and 6. They leave on the 10th of September – while this retreat was happening. So I texted my cousin to find out if the kids could spend the night Saturday night somewhere. Her response “NO PROBLEM! You don’t even have to be here on weekends if you don’t want to”

Well then. Guess I have nothing stopping me.

So I accepted the slot. The team meetings started last night. And let me just say – I felt so much peace and joy.

Before the  meeting started I spent some time in adoration just asking God to be with me. Chanting His name over and over. I then moved into the meeting and people started arriving. We really didn’t know who was going to be on team, but the surprise and the love that was shown when various people walked through the door was amazing. I felt like I was “home”.

The night progressed. Things were shared. Laughs were had as well as a few tears shed. At the end of the night we prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet in front of the tabernacle. It was then that I was transported elsewhere. While we were praying, all I kept thinking about were the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia and my visit with them. I could see them all kneeling and praying. I could hear their voices all raising up together as one. It was such a cool experience and I knew at that moment that God had me there not only to serve others, but to solidify my calling.

Father knows whats best for us.

This is going to be an interesting journey. A journey of forgiveness. A journey of letting things go. A journey of love and mercy. A journey of direction and discernment.

I can’t wait!

Dear Mama

You know I love you right? I know I don’t take much time to talk to you. I struggle sometimes. I just don’t want to take time away from your Son. He’s real special to me you know…and I just want to spend as much time with Him as I can.

In my church, my priest puts a lot of emphasis on you. He loves you so much, that sometimes he talks more about you than he does your Son. I sometimes have a hard time with that. Don’t get me wrong, you definitely should hold a place in our hearts, but sometimes I wonder if people are giving you more than Jesus. I struggle with finding that middle ground – when does it become too much?

Mama, thank you for always being there for me and with me. I know you love me as a mama does. Keep me close by while I make my way through this life…and know that I love you – even if I don’t tell you often enough.

O How Blessed!

There is so much going through my head right now. I apologize in advance if this is all over the place.

I just love watching God at work in my life – especially when my eyes are open to see His work!

As you well know, yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I had mass at 7:30pm – which was really late – that I had to sing at. I have a good friend, Carol, who sings with me in choir. I absolutely love it when she is there. Last year we got assigned seats and miraculously we were seated next to one another. She makes me smile quite often.

Anyway. We were at mass and I was already in a giddy mood – excited about my trip this weekend. Earlier in the afternoon I had texted her to tell her just how excited I was to see her. Little did I know that she was having a crappy day and wasn’t planning on coming since she had gone to mass earlier in the morning. Father was talking about Ash Wednesday and asked why we were all there. Carol takes one look at me and points her thumb in my direction – as if to say that she was there because of me. I questioned her on it and she confirmed – the only reason she was there was because of me. My immediate response – “aww you do love me”. She quickly denied it. :-p

Of course that made me feel so loved. That she would come just for me. After I sat on that for a while I turned to her and asked her, “were you planning on coming, or did you decide to come because I texted you?”

It was my text that made her decide to come. She informed me that she had planned on coming originally, but after the day she had, she decided to stay home – but then I texted her and she just knew she had to be there with me – that she couldn’t skip out because I was there.

Cue water works.

The rest of the mass I was weepy. So full of love – not just from Carol – but God’s love as well. Looking around the church at all the people that were there – my community – who have shared so much of my journey with me; I was overcome with emotion. What a blessing it is to have so many people who are so active in my discernment process. From the youth group kids all the way up to Father Victor. It’s an amazing experience to feel that affirmation and support – and to know that no matter where this journey is leading me, I’ll still be welcomed with open arms.

Then, reality struck.

I’m going to Nashville. Not “sometime in March” – NOW.

And what better time to go than the first weekend of Lent! I will be able to pray the stations of the cross with the sisters, go to confession, go to adoration – what an amazing opportunity to go through – even if I don’t end up becoming a sister!

What an incredible blessing. How did I get to be so blessed?

P.S. Did I mention that I’m excited about this weekend?! Watch twitter and facebook for updates throughout the weekend! Don’t worry, twitter and fb will be secondary to God and His love!

The buzz in Catholicism #Catholics

Everyone is talking about it.

Catholics everywhere are all excited about it – it’s the center of our lives for the next 40 days.

Lent.

4 little letters but a very powerful word.

Growing up, lent was a time of giving up stuff. Sure I learned about lent in CCD, but it wasn’t reinforced in it’s entirety at home. At home we were always required to give stuff up – and it had to meet the approval of our parents. Everyone knew what the other was giving up and we had great joy of keeping watch over the other person to see if they were going to fall – just so we could tell on them.

So, so wrong.

Lent isn’t about who is giving up the most or the best thing.
Lent isn’t about who has the most willpower.
Lent isn’t a test of faithfulness- if you fall you obviously don’t have faith in God!

That’s not lent.

Lent is a time of prayer. Of almsgiving. Of sacrifice. To unite one closer to God during this time of repentance. The 40 days leading up to Easter is the most sorrowful time period in the Church. It’s when we take a look at ourselves and our sins – and how we are each responsible for those nails that hung our Savior on the cross.

It’s a tough reality to deal with, but we seek solace in knowing that the Risen Lord is on His way!

In all reality though, shouldn’t we live our lives like this everyday?

• We are called to love one another – to bear each others burdens – to walk side by side with our sisters and brothers, daily. Giving ourselves to one another in love. Almsgiving. Do we?
• We are called into a personal relationship with God. He wants nothing more than to spend time with us. In order to do that we must seek Him. Prayer. How often do we do that?
• We are called to give of our time, our talent, and our treasure to the Church. Sometimes this can be a decision of whether to have time “for yourself” or to do service to others. Sacrifice. Are we selfish or do we sacrifice our time for the sake of furthering His kingdom?

The Church gives us these disciplines to further our relationship with God…to become closer with Him. It’s up to us to do the leg work though. Are you “giving something up” that will allow you to draw closer to Him? Or are you giving up something “easy” to just fulfill your obligation and be done with it?

More than anything, God wants us…to do His work, to spread His gospel but most importantly, to LOVE us. He desires more than anything, to have a relationship with YOU.

Are you obliging?

In a funk

As anyone besides Elizabeth noticed my lack of posts lately?

I’m not quite sure what’s going on. I know that I took a couple of steps back last week or so when someone reached out to me and told me they could no longer read my blog for very understandable reasons. While it didn’t upset me, I think it just put me in more of a funk than I had already been.

I also have nothing to write about. Spiritually I feel as though I don’t have anything to offer anyone. I’m tapped out. I barely have enough to pull things together for my youth group and whatever I do find is all by the grace of God. I’m really struggling with discipline in a lot of different areas.

I feel defeated.

And part of this is part of the journey. I’m about to embark on a drastic life style change. A change to bring me closer to Christ. And I’m fairly certain that there is someone who is not too pleased with that. I’m expecting to experience dry spells…darkness…disconnectedness. I’m also expecting to bounce back from it too and so far that hasn’t been happening.

I’m not sure if you noticed or not, but the word of the year that I chose for myself is discipline (it’s listed on the side of every entry along with my saint of the year). It’s not going very well. And while I could sit here and berate myself, the point is moot. I know that I am human, and I am going to fail. The best thing about God is His loving embrace and unconditional forgiveness of sins. I know I’m not perfect, but I am His creation.

The easy way out would be to continue to “hide”. There is no hiding from God. God is everywhere. And while I may not feel as though I’m connected to Him as well as I’d like to be, I know that He is connected to me and will never leave my side. I cling to that comfort…especially while things in my world around me seem to be in a constant state of change as I’m being prepared for this next journey of my life.

One month and two days before I go down to Nashville and visit with the sisters. I don’t know if I’m more excited about visiting them to visit with them, or going down there for a retreat where I’m not in charge of kids…and where I get to receive and give and just be there with God…in a retreat themed “Knowing God’s Love”.

Even if I’m not called to join that order, I know that I’m going to be at that retreat for a reason. That much I can say with utmost certainty.

How I’m fulfilled

I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t been having an easy time lately. I’ve found myself very down…almost depressed even…and more so when I’m alone (which I have been a lot lately since I’m dog sitting).  I have a few friends who are aware of the situation, but typically I hide it…people would much rather be around someone who is happy than down (I’ve learned that first hand and know that all too well).

Yesterday I was emailing my co-worker as I had to ask her a question. I guess my response wasn’t as uppity as it usually is and she picked up on it asking why I sounded so down. More emails were exchanged back and forth between us.

Today, when she finally saw me, she stopped at my desk for quite some time and started talking. She kept saying that she’s been thinking about me and my “funks” that I get in from time to time, and she asked me if I am being fulfilled.

It took me off guard.

She is not Catholic. She did grow up Catholic and has a lot of “dislike” for the Catholic faith. She has told me numerous times how “boring” and “lacking” Catholicism is. Like many non-Catholics, she doesn’t get why I’m so passionate about my faith. When she asked if I was being fulfilled, I told her “I don’t know, I have to think about that”…I wanted to get a real meaning/definition so I didn’t look like a fool.

Of course, the first thing I thought of when she asked that question is the Eucharist. Jesus, Himself fulfills me.

I recently went to a Women of Faith conference. If you haven’t heard about it, it’s a Christian womens retreat of sorts…that lasts Friday and Saturday. I had a great time, and did get some things out of it (as quickly as it came in, it left again), but there was one thing…one important thing…that was missing from the weekend: the Eucharist.

I don’t take the Eucharist lightly. Jesus’ presence is REAL. You may not agree with me, but according to what I believe, it is TRUTH (backed up by scripture of course). I know several different Catholics. Some of which like the “hands in the air praising” type atmosphere, and others feel incredibly uncomfortable in situations like that. I am one of those who do love to praise using my whole body. I am not afraid to raise my hands and give my praise and worship to Him…and I love being in environments where that is acceptable and “okay”. Typically, non-Catholic churches are very much like that.

If I had to chose between never being allowed to raise my hands in praise again, or going to a non-Catholic church, the choice would be pretty simple for me: wherever the Eucharist is…wherever Jesus is…that’s where I’ll be.

Now I’m not saying that Jesus isn’t elsewhere. That’s far from the truth. Jesus is everywhere…even at places you’d rather Him not be (like in those moments of sinfulness…He is there too). He fulfills all my needs…and I want to be where He is.

I can’t even imagine a life without His visual presence. Adoring Him in adoration is such a powerful experience. I truly believe that my faith is that of truth…and one which He has performed many miracles in…daily.

You can ask me to go to your church service, but it is not going to quench my soul as attending Mass would. The Real Presence is often times too much for me to bear, but I stand in awe of Him and His love for me…and I know I am home.

Dear God

You’re doing a mighty work in me. I can see the various people you put in my path; the situations that are surfacing…and I know that it’s all part of your plan. The ups and downs will help me to grow closer to you and fall more in love with you.

It’s so human to lose focus…to doubt and to fall. Up until last night, I thought I was doing a decent job of putting everything into your hands and trusting you completely. You tested me…and I failed. I fell from the safe comfort of your arms into a place of confusion, doubt and denial. I lost sight of you and your promise. Thankfully though, you didn’t let it last long and sent along people to open my eyes and to refocus myself to you.

I know you don’t expect me to be perfect, but I feel as though I fail miserably. My trust should have solely lied within you, and I should not have allowed myself to be deterred. I hope you can forgive me for offending you.

I know that this fire; this passion that you are building inside of me is to glorify you…and how blessed am I to be the vessel in which you’ve chosen to do so! I see myself growing further and further in love with you daily, and I am in awe at how far you’ve brought me in such a short time…my mind cannot fathom just how much more work you will do in me.

I love you, my God. Keep close to me and help me to see your work in my life.

I’m right, you’re wrong

Today I come with a heavy heart. I’m torn over debates about things that are near to my heart. I’m torn over the name calling, the bullying, the teasing and tormenting. I’m in pain seeing those I love being torn apart by closed eyes.

Basically I’m tired of the “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude.

It seems to be surrounding me lately. Friends in religious debates. Stories all over the news about people bullying others because they are different. People finding the need to end their lives because of the sheer torment they are in. “Christians” who are in constant battle with one another complete with name calling and an unwillingness for acceptance.

When does enough become enough? When does the fighting stop? I’m sure it’s not anytime soon as the enemy is loving all this chaos. I have a few things to say about certain topics, and I ask that you respect my thoughts, feelings, and words as this is my blog in which I’m free to write such.

1. Religious intolerance
I have several friends, of various religious affiliations.  It seems that all we seem to do lately is banter back and forth about which religion is the “right” religion, and in the process bash the others’ beliefs. In one circle of friends, we became friends due to our commonality in the fact that we are all Christian. I have recently began to see a divide among our once tolerated-by-others’ religions. Our commonality seems to be a lessening factor in our friendship and because of the destruction of “I’m right,  you’re wrong” attitude, friendships seem to be at their breaking point. What ever happened to loving one another as Christ loved? What about standing united as sons/daughters of God? It breaks my heart to see this divide growing larger and larger…with no willingness to learn more about another persons beliefs…but quick to bash and name call.

(And just for the record, I am guilty of this to a certain extent…I’m  not claiming to be perfect)

2. Bullying due to ignorance
If you live in the United States, chances are you’ve heard of the recent death of a Rutgers freshmen who was secretly video taped by his roommate caught in an act of homosexuality. The bullying resulted in him jumping off a bridge to his death. One would question the motive behind the roommate who video taped this young man. Not only was it uncalled for; breaking every rule of privacy that there is, but it was full of ignorance. Sadly, a lot of Christians are up in arms over this. As a Christian, I believe that the act of homosexuality is a sin. Notice I said the ACT…not the actual person. As a Christian, one should have that same belief. It is unbiblical and against the sanctity of marriage. I’ve heard of some Christians going as far as calling other Christians hypocrites and closed-minded and heartless.

The fact that this young man felt the need to end his life due to the stupidity and homophobic nature of his roommate is tragic. Not only is it tragic in the stance of a life lost, but tragic to see that this is happening. The evil in this world has penetrated so deeply that people don’t know how to handle themselves anymore. Society says it’s completely normal to act on your “feelings” towards members of the same sex. There is almost a sense of awe and wonder to the “homosexual revolution”. Media places a glamorous lifestyle attached to homosexuality and it should be accepted in the world as completely normal.

I’m sorry, it is not. The bible clearly states:

“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; such a thing is an abomination.” (Leviticus 18:22)

An abomination. A sin. The sin is the act of lying with another member of the same sex. This does NOT mean that one who is attracted to the same sex is an immediate sinner. This does NOT mean that one who is attracted to the same sex should be condemned and bullied.
This does NOT mean that one who is attracted to the same sex should not be loved as you and I are loved by God.
This does NOT mean that one who is attracted to the same sex should be treated any differently than you or I.

A sin is a sin. Whether you are an adulterer, a thief, a liar…a sin is a sin. And we ALL sin.

When are we going to accept one another for who we are?

When are we going to get over the labels that we place on ourselves?

When are we going to love one another as HE loves us?

It’s time we get over this “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude, and learn to love one another and accept one another for who we are. After all, we are all God’s children…even if you chose to acknowledge that yourself.

Do I matter?

I look at the world sometimes and see all the people who are so much more “connected” than myself. It seems as though they’ve got a “direct line” to God…with His cell phone number programmed into their phone in the number 1 spot.

I started a bible study with my youth group kids this weekend. One of the things the speaker, Mark Hart, said was about feeling little in the world.

“In the garden of Eden of life, you may not feel as though your Adam or Eve…but instead  you might feel as though you’re…tree number 4…somewhere near the cheetah and the leopard.”

I find myself sometimes wondering how could God…big and powerful and almighty God…care so much about little old me? How could I be so important to Him when there are tons of other people in this world who are so much better than I? So much more prayerful, more holy, more loving…more like Him?

The answer is simple…and biblical.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

Those are some pretty big words from a pretty mighty God.

Who am I to argue or disagree with Him?

Do I matter? Of course. We all do. Take comfort in that fact.