This year, valentine’s day really made me think. Think about where I am and where I’m going. Of course being home all day aided in said thinking.
I think valentine’s day is an overrated holiday – a holiday created by hershey’s and hallmark. People should do nice things for each other all year round – they should show their love for one another every day – not just one day of the year.
With all that being said, for once I want a valentine.
From the time you enter school, valentine’s day is a big deal. It’s a day of love. A day of sharing. For the big people, it’s a day of romance. Once a kid gets to middle school/high school, the traditional valentines day cards that had once been swapped in elementary school, are no longer cool. “Love” in the form of chocolates and special cards is what most young girls seek from a boy.
I’ve never received that. In fact, I’ve never had a valentine.
Ever.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she want on to state that one must love themselves first in order to love another. While this is true, that wasn’t the point I had been trying to make. For once in my life, I want to feel special enough to HAVE a valentine. And I wonder why it is that I haven’t been able to have one.
A friend of mine on facebook stated – Jesus is your valentine.
While this is true in a sense, Jesus doesn’t buy me flowers, or chocolate, or dinner. Jesus doesn’t cuddle me (in the human sense anyway), kiss me or hug me.
Which made me realize something – I love Jesus, but I’m not IN love with Him. Which in turn makes things difficult if one is going to become a religious sister.
I want what I see so many of my friends have. That solid foundational relationship built on Christ. That mutual respect and adoration rooted in faith. That insatiable love for one another because of their love for Christ. Because of my friends, I have seen what a true marriage should be. While it’s not always full of sunshine and roses, the happiness far outweighs the darkness if the relationship is grounded in faith.
That is what I want.
Question is, how do I get it.
And what does this all mean for my religious life discernment? I really don’t know. I don’t know where I stand with it at the moment. Are these thoughts coming to me because it’s what I want or what the enemy wants me to focus on? What is God calling me to?
No one ever said discernment would be easy…
My observation (for what its worth) id that these thoughts are what you want. I have thought all along that your heart was more on this path than the sister path. I, obviously, could be wrong (I am a lot lol) so take it with a grain of salt.
Human beings are gregarious by nature. We’re created to crave community, contact, relationship – and not always the romantic kind. It’s natural to want attention, affection, and gifts – we all deserve to be made to feel loved and wanted. That doesn’t mean that you’re not called to religious life.
BUT you probably already know that
.
Prayers no matter what.
So much to say – not all appropriate for here (being personal and all). I tend to agree with Hollie, but am really in no position to say what you feel for sure. Only you can decide what is best for you – and it sounds like you’re interested in checking out what that is. So go for it – and open your heart to all sides. The answer will follow.
P.S. TR sounds like a good idea. Text me if you’re available tomorrow!