You wouldn’t understand how incredibly difficult the process of discernment to religious life is – unless you’ve gone through the process yourself.
One cannot even begin to fathom the amount of growth, stretching, perseverance and commitment it requires to continue on the journey of religious life.
You are literally giving up EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Do you know what it’s like to have to tear yourself away from those who have supported and loved you the most? It’s such a frightening thought.
Over the past few days, I have learned that I am nowhere near where I need to be if I’m ever going to enter an order. There is so much that one has to go through – physically, mentally, emotionally and definitely spiritually. The “I am not worthy” thoughts have been coming on a constant basis as of late. This. is. hard. And I don’t know if I will make it. Actually I KNOW I won’t make it on my own – I need to rely on God for help – to carry me through.
It’s easier said than done though. I feel as though my relationship with God is so wishy-washy – totally on my part of course – and I’m not sure how to fix it. My major problem is that I lack any discipline – which is definitely not something that will help me with religious life.
Maybe I’m not cut out for this after all?
Maybe I’m reaching for something that isn’t meant to happen?
Have I been fooling myself all along?
Thanks for sharing your personal wrestling through the discernment process. Our prayers are with you. No matter where you are called, just remember that the call to holiness is always the same, it’s just a matter of figuring out the path that Christ wants to use to bring you closer to Him.
We are small and silly, selfish and stupid, sinful and shortsighted before God. The only way we ever accomplish or become anything good is by His Grace. Keep it up, my prayers are with you.
You’re very right … I would never understand what this is like for you. But I’m thinking of you and am very willing to push you towards your goals. I can kick your butt, remember that! :0)